A Right to Self-Identification

Last night I spent a few hours MySpying on a slew of old high school classmates. In the course of this, a series of thoughts and discoveries triggered a re-evaluation of my previous post, the fruits of which you shall see below...

As I read through the profiles of my old classmates, I was thoroughly surprised several times. People with whom I had a four to thirteen year history, people who I thought I knew fairly well, revealed themselves, through the medium of MySpace, to be far more interesting and complex individuals than my schoolyard memories would have implied. Foremost among these cases was a girl who was undoubtedly one of the school's pariahs...

This girl was one class below me, and her arrival prompted much excitement. She dressed pseudo-"goth," for the most part, and was often referred to as "the Witch." During my sophomore year - her freshman year - rumors involving the sacrifice of a chicken were widely circulated concerning this girl and a classmate. I knew very little of "the Witch," other than that most "cool" folk at the school avoided her and/or openly derided her. During her junior year, "the Witch" somehow managed to not end up in the yearbook at all, whereas most students find their ways into at least three pictures. From my own memories and from my sole remaining memory-aides from high school - the yearbooks - I could conjure up nothing more regarding "the Witch" than the image of an outcast, defined solely by exclusion from the mainstream.

Stepping back, this is utterly tragic. I don't know the details of the situation, but here was a person who, for whatever reason, was somewhat savaged by the twisted social environment of a traditional, comprehensive high school. The social situation in which I did encounter her in real life worked to prohibit authentic interaction. The image that I, and many of my peers, carried away concerning this individual was tainted horribly by the social situation in which it was forged.

When I came across the MySpace profile of this individual, and subsequently redirected to her space on Livejournal, I was surprised to learn that she currently attending Sac State, pursuing an MA in political science or some similar discipline. She largely defines herself as an academic at this point - something that surprised me, considering I was unaware of any great academic interest on her part whilst in high school. I read a bit through her blog, and saw that her current reading list for school involves many of the same books that made up my reading list whilst at UCSC studying history. Her complaints about life in Sacramento mirror many of my own upon my initial arrival in the area.

I was struck by the fact that I shared so much with this person in terms of life experience and interests. I knew next to nothing of her when I was in high school, and I did not particularly desire to know more. I stood idly by as people snickered at her and called her "the Witch." My guilt grew as I read on noting thoughtful and interesting discussion throughout the blog. Here is a sincerely interesting and engaging person, where before there was - in my memories - a pariah.

Overall, what I read last night humanized a person that had been dehumanized by social situations in "real life." Reflecting on this, I can't help but think that this occurred as easily as it did because I was reacquainted with this person via the internet, were she controlled the situation. Through MySpace and Livejournal, she governed the communication. She determined what information was made available about herself. And ultimately, she was able to paint a picture of herself that is undeniably far more accurate than the one that I received through real-life interactions. I feel as if I am seeing the "real" version of her for the first time, and this is a version that she created and put forth herself. It is not at all untrue or dishonest. It feels more real and just than all of my memories concerning her. It is because of this experience that I am now willing to state that I believe people have a right to self-identification, and avenues of socialization that allow one control over the communication - such as the internet - may be in some cases the most viable means by which to arrive at authentic identification.

I am not basing this conclusion on my experience with "the Witch" alone. As I looked at some 50 MySpace profiles, I was constantly amazed to learn new things about my classmates. New nuances. Encouraging things. Discouraging things. Things I would not have otherwise learned.

So ultimately, I am again accepting of identity negotiation, and not just because it is inevitable and unavoidable. I am accepting of it because I believe we all have a right to a positive and accurate outward identity, and negotiation is a means of achieving this. And I am delighted to learn more of the people I thought I already knew due to this negotiation.