Where the hell I've been...

Oy vey.

It's been a while, yes. Why, you ask? Work has been absolutely crazy. Just as the end of the year nears, and as my co-workers and I grow exhausted, and as the students grow restless, our duties grow exponentially. Last Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were 14 to 15 hour days due to "Senior Project" presentations scheduled in the evening. For the weekend there was an enjoyable (sort of) though not exactly restful jaunt to see my yuppie relatives in the North Bay. Monday brought a pointless but mandatory "colloquium" to herald the close of this year's session of the torturously pointless BTSA program - if you're going to keep me at work until 12 hours after I arrived, at least make it worthwhile. On Tuesday, stressed out staff and students straight-up ruined my day. Today was a 10 hour day that included a field trip to conduct a mock trial in San Jose that, while successful, had its bumps. Now I'm finally home and doing everything I can to flush the work stress from my mind, but it ain't happening. I currently need to pack, for tomorrow I depart with a bus-load of students for a grad-night trip to Disneyland. Before you start protesting about how that sounds nice, realize that this trip involves a 10+ hour drive in a bus, the students will legally be my responsibility and it may very well be on me if they do as teenagers do and do naughty things while on the trip. And the whole thing doesn't end until 10:00 PM Saturday evening, which means I'm giving up half of my weekend. And I'm just damned tired, burned out, and I just want some rest. On top of all of this, it's unseasonably hot right now, and my apartment is hovering near 80 degrees despite the efforts of the AC unit.

Basically I'm feeling like there are just too many responsibilities being placed on me right now - responsibilities that inevitably mandate time spent working beyond the six hours for which we "officially" work under our contracts - and I'm too tired and frazzle-brained to juggle all the appropriate tasks. It's inevitable that I will mess things right now. Mistakes are being made with increasing frequency by myself and my co-workers, and what we need is rest, not to be hounded.

No wonder the majority of teachers don't last more than five years. I won't be a goddamn martyr for this...

And yes, bitching like this may not be good for my longevity as a teacher. Perhaps I should be spending this time attempting to reframe things in such a way that I am re-motivated. But then, I'm not sure longevity as a teacher is a wise decision right now. Why continue at this, when, with what I am paid, I don't even have the hope of buying a house in the area in which I live and work? Why when countless other people work jobs that have set hours - eight to five only, and with no weekend duties, ever - less stress, and considerably higher pay?

Gah. I just need to get this stuff out. It's not all there yet, but this was a start...

In other news, plans for the summer are coalescing. The bachelor party is still up in the air, but it looks like there will be some spelunking in late June, some high-Sierra camping in early July, and perhaps even some time spent in delicious isolation in a cabin in the Sierras. I hope all this prooves rejuvenating, 'cause I'm sure as hell going to need it.